Listening Power

I only drink water without ice when I go to restaurants.

"What would you like to drink, sir?"

"Water, with no ice, please," I always respond to the waiter or waitress. Always.

And sure enough, forty percent of the time I get water with ice. I order it that way now just to test the wait staff and see what sort of a response I get. Then what's even worse is that I measure the response rate and keep a mental tabulation to see what sort of ratios I come up with. I can't help it. It's the curse of being a management consultant. I measure everything.

The way waiters and waitresses listen to my request is the same way that many of us listen to our employees. We kind of expect to know what the answer really is, but we rarely take time to think and just listen to what they have to say. We fail to empathize and instead anticipate what they are going to say because we think we already know what they want…so we give them water with ice when they asked for something else. We let our conditioned response get in the way of legitimate listening.

Here are three steps to increase your listening power the next time a co-worker or subordinate employee brings an issue to you:

1. Sit down in chairs next to each other, not having a desk between you if possible. Take your conversation away from the plant floor. By taking the time to sit, it sends a signal to your employee or colleague that they are important enough for you to dedicate a few moments just to them.

2. Do NOT answer your phone while talking with your colleague. Has this ever happened to you before when someone else answered the phone while talking with you? I was at the front desk of a hotel in Manhattan last week wanting to check in and go to bed and the clerk kept answering the phone and dealing with the callers when my issue wasn't being addressed. Here I am looking at the clerk three feet away from me talking on the phone. So I pull out my cell phone, call the front desk of the hotel, and the clerk answered. I said, "I'd like to check in to your hotel, please". He asked me when I would like to do this. I said, "Right now. I'm at your counter looking at you three feet away from you." It worked. I now had his attention and checked in and went to bed. Don't let this great American habit of answering the phone while someone else is in front of you interrupt your time with your colleague.

3. Empathize with what they're telling you. Put yourself in their shoes so you understand their issue. Even if you disagree with them, people are usually okay with that as long as they are heard and as long as they are understood. This even works with two year olds. Whenever my son is frustrated because he doesn’t want me to pick him up, I always say, "Dagsen, you don't want me to pick you up, do you. You seem very frustrated.” All of a sudden the cascading tears are replaced by a gentle nod affirming his emotion. Even though I have to pick him up, he knows that I understand his feelings and that I really heard him. How powerful would this be with your employees? This simple concept of empathy is the key to successful managing, leading, negotiating, and selling.

Bonus tip: Clarify your employee’s issue by repeating it back in your own words and asking questions about it.

By following these simple steps, you are sure to hear what your colleagues and team mates are really telling you, and not just what you anticipate to hear. If only I had the time to teach this concept to every restaurant that I visit…

Scott Love shows managers and sales people how to manage their risk and win the game of business. He is a professional speaker and can be reached at 828-225-7700 or on his website at www.nolimitachievement.com