Conflict Resolution

Most employee manuals and other legal documents start with something like this: “I think that eventually you might try to damage me in some way, so I’m creating this document and requiring you to sign it to protect me.”

Start your next important business relationship with a different type of document, the State of Grace Document. This is an agreement that commits to resolving all future differences in an agreeable fashion, in terms of a mutual satisfaction of needs. Relationships take work, especially those that you have at work. And in all relationships conflict is inevitable. Instead of separating the two parties into warring factions, this document brings them together to seek a positive resolution.

According to the management consultants who are the originators of this agreement, Maureen McCarthy and Zelle Nelson in Flat Rock, NC, this concept has improved operational performance, employee loyalty, and conflict resolution skills of organizations all over the world.

There are five parts to the State of Grace Document:

1. “The Story of Us”. Share your story of what attracted you to each other. Why did you join your company? What was it that you saw in this prospective employee that caused you to hire him or her? What were your motives at the initial phase of your relationship? At this point you are documenting those things that caused you to want to join the company or the reasons why you hired that key employee. You are gaining clarification on why the relationship decided to start in the first place. Specifically, write out those tangible items that you saw in the other party that caused you to want to establish the relationship and the feelings that you felt at the beginning.

2. Work Styles and Warning Signs. Each of you will have a chance to voice your preferences at work. Do you want the door open or closed? What are your preferences of how you want to be managed? What sort of communication do you expect from your staff? And what are those warning signs, the symptoms, of how you show that you are under stress? “Check in with me when you see me start to. . .”. For example, “When I start to isolate, please initiate conversation with me. At that point, I need your help more than ever, even when I tell you that everything is fine.” This gives us permission to approach and initiate communication when we sense that things are starting to move out of the balance of harmony.

3. Expectations. What are the expectations of performance that you need from your staff? What are the expectations that they need from you? What are the core values and premises that guide this relationship?

4. List of Questions. If we get in a bad place, what are the things that a third party mediator should ask us to bring us on track? “Are things going as planned?” “Have I let you down in some way?” Not only should you establish a procedure of questions to bring focus back to a harmonious state, but you should limit or clarify a time frame that you commit to each other to resolve these questions, such as three hours. Within three hours, each of you could commit to checking in with each other to ask these questions when you start to see the warning signs listed in step two.

5. Long Term Agreement. Leave the door open over the long term. This gives permission to either party to bring resolution of past conflicts that may take time from which to heal. And even if the conflict is so bad that you cannot find resolution, at least you agree to return to a state of grace over the long term.

By beginning your next business relationship this way, you are not setting up protective measures for conflict but systems that allow for resolution of conflict, which is always inevitable.

Scott Love shows managers and sales people how to manage their risk and win the game of business. He is a professional speaker and can be reached at 828-225-7700 or on his website at www.nolimitachievement.com